


Close Enough

by FelixPhial



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Comforter did some of the hurting, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Forced Orgasm, Gentle rapist, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Muggle hospitals, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Quickening, Raped While Pregnant, Raped over a desk, Rapist goes down on victim, Resourceful victim, Sex While Using Polyjuice Potion, Solving the case, Victim fantasizes about lover during rape, Workplace Rape, estranged spouses reuniting, noncon drugging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:41:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24952483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FelixPhial/pseuds/FelixPhial
Summary: When Tonks gets a little too close to solving the case of the infamous “Wand-Snatch Rapist,” he pays her visit at work.
Relationships: Nymphadora Tonks/Original Male Character(s), Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 15
Kudos: 23
Collections: Nonconathon 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Corina (CorinaLannister)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorinaLannister/gifts).



Tonks jolted awake when her head hit the desk. She sat blinking for a moment, confused by the scenery. She’d expected to wake up in her old cubicle, but no—this was Mad-Eye’s office. _Close enough,_ she thought.

Tonks wiped drool from her chin and stood up. The clock read half past seven, though the early winter night displayed on the fake window made it feel later than that. Tonks stretched, grimacing as she caught sight of her silhouetted reflection in her inherited Foe-Glass. Atop the shadowy figures, she could just see her own pale, sullen face. Her reflection was made all the whiter by the darkness of the limp brown fringe framing it. Her irises, the same dull grey as the shadows, were invisible in the mirror, as were the matching shadows she couldn’t seem to banish from under her eyes.

“Everyone keeps saying the exhaustion goes away after the first three months,” Tonks mused to her reflection. “Wonder if they’re all lying, or if I’m just too depressed to see a difference? I still feel as tired as ever, only now my back and hips hurt like you wouldn’t believe. Well, _you_ would, I suppose.”

Perhaps her mother was right—it probably wasn’t good for her to be so isolated. She wasn’t meant to sit in a closed office for twelve hours a day and sleep the other other twelve. But then, what choice did she have, really?

“I hope you’re having a good time in there,” she said to her scarlet-robed stomach, “because I’m falling asleep all over the place. It’s a good thing I told your grandmother not to wait up for me, isn’t it? And I swear, you’re pressing right on a nerve in my leg again. Mind moving?”

As always, her stomach made no reply. For the past month, every tiny twinge in her abdomen had made Tonks hopeful she was about to feel the baby move. But “any day now,” as her mother kept insisting, was not, apparently, today.

“Oh well,” she said with forced cheeriness. “You’ll move when you’re good and ready, I expect. There’s no rush, really. Besides, it’s only been the past fortnight or so anyone but me can even tell you’re in there, rather than having thirds of Molly’s cooking.”

No response again. Tonks began pacing Mad-Eye’s office. Technically, it was her name on the office door, but she’d never been able to stop thinking of it as Mad-Eye’s. After all, it was a bit strange for one of the most junior Aurors to have one of only three private offices. But no one else had wanted it after Mad-Eye’s joke about booby traps at his retirement party, and she’d always been able to think better in the quiet of Mad-Eye’s office than the noisy bustle of the main Auror Office.

That had been before that awful week this past summer, of course. In the span of a few days, Mad-Eye had died, the Ministry had fallen, her parents had been tortured, and Remus had left. Tonks had taken a few days off to care for her parents and cry about everything. When she’d returned to work, she’d found half the cubicles empty and Auror Headquarters transformed into a hushed, anxious place.

Tonks glanced at her personal effects poking haphazardly out of boxes and bags against one wall of the office. When she went on maternity leave in a few weeks, her mother would help her carry things home—and also, no doubt, scold Tonks for the untidy packing job. At least her completed Auror cases had been filed a bit more neatly.Only a few corners of parchment stuck out from the emerald and sapphire folders. And even that wasn’t really visible unless you opened one of Mad-Eye’s battered metal filing cabinets, something no one but Tonks and her boss, Gawain Robards, was brave enough to do.

There was only one file out of place: a single ruby-colored folder laying open on Mad-Eye’s big, sturdy desk. On the side tab of of the folder, Moody’s hand had neatly marked:

_93.10.R13 | LONDON | RAPE, THEFT_

_“WAND-SNATCH RAPIST”_

The folder’s contents were strewn not only across the entire surface of the wooden desk, but several photographs and pieces of parchment had been magically hung on the walls and giant slate. As Tonks paced by the desk, she ruefully spotted a drying drool stain on the latest useless report.

_FROM: The Department of Intoxicating Substances_

_TO: N. Tonks, Auror HQ, Level 2_

_COPY: G. Robards, Auror HQ, Level 2_

_DATE: 19 December, 1997_

_RE: Case 93.10.R13 (“Wand-Snatcher”) Urgent Substance Analysis #4_

_RESULTS: Negative (again)_

_NOTES: I have analysed all 17 samples thrice more and still found no trace of any potion, plant, or poison known to wizardkind. Please kindly refrain from requesting further analyses of these samples. Additional testing is unlikely to yield different results, and we are currently experiencing a backlog of critical PPP requests._

_SIGNED: Ethel Gillespie, Senior PPP Analyst_

Tonks scowled as she re-read the report. Officially, she was only organising the case documents for her temporary successor to chip away until she came back from having her baby. Unofficially, Tonks was trying to solve her only open case before she left, as she had no intention of returning once her leave ended. Auror Headquarters no longer felt like her home. It had become a cold, unfamiliar place, and it was inside a building that felt like enemy territory on a good day.

“I think Robards suspects,” Tonks murmured aloud. “He accidentally asked if I wanted a ‘going away’ party instead of a ‘going on leave’ party. All the same, though, isn’t it?” She pulled down the blinds and surveyed the rest of Auror Headquarters. “I won’t be the first to go on leave on and not come back, and I doubt I’ll be the last.”

When her stomach again made no reply, she sighed and turned around. One of the shadows in the Foe-Glass had grown bigger and darker than the others, but that wasn’t unusual anymore. Sometimes, when the floorboards over the office would creak or the lift would pause on the second floor, Tonks could actually make out facial features in the Foe-Glass. She’d even had to toss a cloak over the Foe-Glass once, when Dolores Umbridge had dropped by to berate Robards for something or other. This shadow looked too big to be Umbridge’s, though. It was probably Runcorn working late up on the first floor again.

Tonks ignored the Foe-Glass and paced back and forth in front of the massive slate on the largest wall of the office. Mad-Eye had come in for a quick case consult the day before he’d died, and she hadn’t been able to bring herself to erase the notes he’d scrawled in chalk. They might well have been the last words he’d ever written.

_WAND SNATCH RAPIST_

Gang, polyjuice, copycats?

| 

M.O

| 

Victims  
  
---|---|---  
  
Airtight alibis for suspects.

No attempts to conceal identity.

| 

Undetectable potion or spell

| 

Always witches, no pref. on muggleborn, pure blood, etc.  
  
Polyjuice: buy or brew?

Check potion shops

| 

Binds victims while they’re unconscious

| 

Pref. for pregnant /young mothers—abandonment issues?  
  
Widen suspect pool: rapist may be different age, sex, etc.

| 

Gentle, talks to victims, performs cunnilingus, seeks reassurance

| 

Wands stolen

No trace of semen (+ no trace of removal spell)  
  
| 

|   
  
Tonks had enchanted photographs of each of her eleven primary suspects to levitate just below Mad-Eye’s notes. All of them were shifting around nervously inside their mugshots. A few scowled at Tonks or made rude gestures at her. Tonks frowned and crossed her arms at them.

“Now, which of you is going around raping people and stealing their wands?” she asked.

Of course, none of them replied. One of the two witches on the board, Augusta Adalbert, shook her hair defiantly and crossed her arms.

“Any ideas?” Tonks asked her stomach.

Her stomach, of course, did not reply.

“That’s all right,” Tonks said. “I’ve got two decades on you, and I haven’t got any ideas, either.”

She began pacing again. The lone squib suspect, a zookeeper’s assistant, scowled deeply at her. She paused at her desk, grabbed his file, and continued pacing while she read.

“I’ve narrowed it down to people who left traces near at least one crime scene who don’t have airtight alibis for a majority of the rapes,” she explained to the baby. “Brian Thomas is the only one who has no solid alibi for any of the rapes, but he’s a squib. Mad-Eye didn’t think a squib could pull off that many rapes without getting caught, but I dunno. Muggles have come up with lots of ways to get by without magic. I stayed with my grandparents on my dad’s side once, and they had this bed that moves up and down with just the push of a—“

She tripped over one of her crates of personal effects, bruising her hands and knees. Everything in her hands scattered across the floor, creating a long trail of parchment spread all the way to the door.

“Oh, damn,” Tonks lamented, grabbing the papers closest to her. “I didn’t think I could get clumsier, but—” She sighed. “I think I’ll just clean this up and then go home for the—“

She froze as a man’s shadow darkened the blinds on her office door. She reached for her wand, but it was on the other side of the room, stuck in an empty mug on the desk. The door handle to her office turned. Tonks watched in frozen horror, barely noticing the sweat from her hands soaking the parchment she’d picked up.

The door opened, and Tonks sagged in relief.

“Merlin’s beard, Robards!” she laughed shakily. “You gave me an awful fright! Give a shout or something next time you come in this late, will you?”

He gave her a strange smile that did not look at all like Robards. “I was hoping you’d still be here,” he said, in an accent that did not sound at all like Robards.

“Lucky you,” Tonks laughed nervously.

“I wanted to have a little chat.” Robards stepped inside the office.

“Don’t!” Tonks dropped the parchment and jumped awkwardly to her feet. She had to grab the edge of the desk for support. “That’s—that’s close enough.”

 _Damn._ Now he knew that she knew he was an imposter.

“What’s the matter?” The imposter grinned in that strange way and held out Robards’ hands. “It’s only me.”

He strode forward. Tonks lunged for her wand, but the stranger was taller, not to mention less encumbered around the middle. He tackled her to the floor, grabbing a handful of her hair and jabbing his knee into her upper back. This last move knocked the wind out of Tonks. She lay face-down on the carpet, coughing and trying to catch her breath.

“Just a little chat,” the imposter repeated. “And a bit of fun. It won’t take long.”

“Don’t!” Tonks wheezed. “I’m pregnant, please, don’t hurt me—”

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll make sure it doesn’t hurt.”

Tonks yelped as a sharp pain pierced her right shoulder. A moment later, though, it did stop hurting. In fact, everything felt better, and the world was growing hazy and dark, almost as if—

“Rennervate.”

Tonks awoke once again to find herself drooling on Mad-Eye’s desk. This time, though, she wasn’t seated comfortably in his old chair. She was on her feet, bent over so her upper body rested on the desk. Her soreness was returning nearly as fast as her consciousness. She groaned in pain.

“Shh,” an unfamiliar voice soothed her. “I won’t hurt you.”

Tonks went stiff. The memory of her brief fight with Robards’ imposter returned to her. Hands pushed the hem her long robes high up her back, exposing her lower half to the cold. Tonks made to cover herself and found her wrists bound to the far leg of Mad-Eye’s desk.

“No.” For all her exhaustion, Tonks’ voice sounded less hoarse than she expected it to. Even in the midst of her terror, she knew she must not have been unconscious very long. “No, no, please don’t do this to me, please...”

“Shh,” he said again. “You know better than anyone that I don’t like hurting witches. That was your writing I erased, wasn’t it? I liked how you called me gentle. Dunno what you meant by ‘seeks reassurance,’ though.”

Tonks turned her head with difficulty to look at the slate. Sure enough, Mad-Eye’s notes had been wiped clean. She felt too tired and afraid and shocked to fully process that loss just yet, but she knew it would hit her soon.

“How did you get in?” Tonks asked, trying to distract him from noticing as she tested the ropes. Not that it did much good; she couldn’t find any give in her bonds.

“Security guard let me in,” he replied. “Didn’t even ask me any questions. Weird, innit? I reckon I must be someone important. Am I an Auror?”

“Yeah, you are.” Tonks tried to commit every detail to her mind: his accent, his words, his methods. “You’re my boss, actually. Head of the Auror Department.”

“Blimey, that’s a stroke of luck,” he remarked.

“Yeah, I suppose it is,” Tonks said dully. “For you, anyway.”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” he said. “I didn’t get the impression you’d be this sulky about me paying you a visit. You seemed like you were keen on it, in fact.”

“Is that so?” Tonks asked. So, this was someone she’d met, probably in her capacity as an Auror. It might even have been one of the suspects she’d brought in over the past few weeks. “Funny,” she said, trying not to make her intentions too obvious, “I don’t have any idea who you are.”

“I was hoping that would be the case.” He sounded haughty and triumphant, two emotions that sounded especially weird coming from mild-mannered Robards.

He pressed his nose to her knickers and sniffed deeply. Tonks shuddered involuntarily. She wanted to kick him, or beg him not to rape her, or try to get away from him. But she had zero chance of getting out of the ropes without her wand, and even if she could, what was she going to do? Outrun him to the lift and hope she met a security guard somewhere? For better or worse, her body had already decided to be logical about the situation and play collaborator.

“Oh, I love witches who are up the duff,” he muttered, as if to himself. “Always so wet. Easy to make them come, too.”

He licked over her knickers, making Tonks shudder again. She focused once again on committing his mannerisms to memory. As her father was always telling her, _“When life gives you dung, you can moan about it, or you can make dung bombs.”_ She knew, logically, that she would feel horribly violated at some point in the future. She also knew she would desperately want to arrest this pervert soon. At that moment, though, she only felt cold and tired and nauseated. 

“What are you doing here?” Tonks asked him. “Bit risky to break into the Ministry, isn’t it?”

“That Potter bloke did it, and he’s only a kid.” He shrugged, and his robes rustled excessively. “I’ve been watching you, too. Knew you liked to stay late, after everyone else. Wasn’t hard. Couldn’t count on you having all the files or whatever with you, besides.”

“You came for my files, too, then?” Tonks asked. “What did you do with them?”

“Burned ‘em,” he said.

Tonks noticed, for the first time, the acrid smoke coming from the metal rubbish bin. “I must have been getting pretty close, if I spooked you so much.”

“Ain’t close now, though, are you?” He chuckled.

“No, guess not,” Tonks said. “Looks like you won.”

“That’s right.” He licked the outside of her knickers again. “I won.”

He pulled her underwear down, and his hot breath on her sex made Tonks feel like she was going to be sick.

“I ain’t about to go to Azkaban,” he went on, so softly she almost couldn’t hear him. “And a witch put me there? No, I won’t stand for it.”

 _Sexist,_ thought Tonks. _Probably not one of the witches, then._

“So you’ve come to teach me a lesson and burn my files, is that it?” Tonks’ heart was beating so hard in her throat it made her voice tremble. “Destroy my evidence and put me in my place?”

“Something like that,” he agreed. “You seemed stressed. Thought a nice shag might cheer you up, since I had to pop in here anyway.”

“Yeah, of course.” Maybe Tonks could keep him here until the Polyjuice potion to wore off. Of course, if she knew his identity, he might just decide to kill her...

He rested his hands on her bum and pushed her cheeks apart. Tonks squirmed when she felt his tongue.

“Feels good, don’t it?” her rapist asked smugly. He had apparently interpreted her discomfort as enjoyment.

“Yeah,” Tonks said. “Guess it does.”

She hadn’t been touched in any way for so long that every brush of skin was agonizing. She wouldn’t have even been prepared for Remus to touch her like this, not without plenty of hugging and snogging beforehand. She winced; thinking of Remus still hurt too much.

“You’re shaking,” her rapist said gently. “Are you frightened?”

“A bit,” Tonks admitted.

“Don’t be,” he said, as if it were as easy as choosing not to be afraid. “Like I said, I never hurt witches.”

_Other than raping them and stealing their wands, of course._

“I know,” Tonks said. “You’re gentle with the witches you choose.”

“That’s right,” he said proudly. “And I don’t pick witches with kids ‘cos I have ‘abandonment issues.’ That’s rubbish. I like knowing they ain’t virgins.”

“My mistake,” Tonks said.

“S’all right,” he said. “I know you lot mostly deal with nutters who like to hurt witches.”

His lack of self-awareness made Tonks want to rub her forehead, but her hands were bound too securely for that. _Better to just get this over with._

“Well?” Tonks demanded. “Were you going to lick me or not?”

“‘Course, Miss Tonks.” He seemed pleased by her cooperation.

As he lapped at her again like an overeager dog, Tonks made all the right noises and rubbed herself against his tongue. As her body automatically cooperated in her rape, her mind was putting the pieces together rapidly.

_I came to before he revived me, but I don’t think I was unconscious long. And I didn’t faint all at once, like when we used to practice stunning jinxes. It was like taking a sleeping draught, only I don’t think he poured anything in my mouth. But there was that pain in my shoulder—_

Her train of thought was interrupted by the least enjoyable orgasm of her life. Apparently, a body-only orgasm was a lot of oversensitive twitching and cramping without any of the bliss that normally accompanied the sensation. Regardless, she made sure to give every appearance of enjoying herself.

“Oh, I knew you’d like that,” he said smugly, rubbing her belly. “Pregnant witches always come so easy. And there we go—baby’s kicking like mad. That’s how you know it was a real one.”

Tonks blinked away the tears that were burning her eyes. Yes, her baby was finally moving, and vigorously at that. If she’d known an orgasm would do the trick, she would have locked herself in her bedroom and turned up The Weird Sisters to try it weeks ago.

“You’re beautiful when you’re coming,” the imposter said. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you do it again.”

“Wonderful,” Tonks said in a tired monotone. “I can hardly wait.”

He either didn’t notice or care that she was uninterested. He rose from his knees, using her body for support. Tonks winced at the pressure on her sore joints. She didn’t need to look over her shoulder to know he was hiking up his own robes, but she looked anyway.

He had covered the Foe-Glass with his cloak, probably to keep her from seeing his true identity. Tonks was an Auror, though; she had been trained in investigation by none other than Mad-Eye Moody. The imposter’s robes were so baggy on his chest and arms that Tonks felt sure he hadn’t changed into any of Robards’. He might have grabbed the first spare robes he could find, but her gut told her he’d worn his own robes tonight. Tonks was so busy mentally crossing off all of her smaller suspects that she nearly jumped when his cock bumped against her.

“Relax, Miss Tonks,” he said. “You’re plenty wet. It won’t hurt.”

Before she could ready herself, he forced his way in. Robards, it turned out, was not especially big, but it had been so long—

“Ah!”

“You’ve got to relax,” he chided her. “You’re too wet and ready for it to hurt unless you’re tensing up.”

As if agreeing with her rapist, the baby kicked hard. Tonks forced herself to take a deep breath and release all the tension in her muscles as she exhaled. She was terrified being raped would hurt the baby, but tightening up would only make things worse. So she focused, at least for the moment, on keeping all her muscles loose and relaxed.

“That’s it,” the imposter praised her. “I knew you’d be good at this.”

Tonks made a face he couldn’t see, but she tried not to tense any other part of her body. He slid in and out with relative ease, but the rocking movement made Tonks feel seasick. She pressed her forehead to a cool part of the desk and tried to concentrate on not being sick. She wanted to kick him when he found her clit and started rubbing it too hard, but she felt that was probably a good way to get herself and the baby killed.

“You’re drying up.” He sounded affronted. “You don’t like me this?”

“I do,” Tonks lied. “Only... er... my nose is really, really itchy. It’s distracting me.”

It might have sounded ridiculous, but it wasn’t a lie. Her face and, for that matter, the rest of her body were so itchy she could hardly stand it.

He paused and reached up to scratch her nose for her. “Better?”

“A little higher,” she said. “And my right cheek, if you don’t mind. Oh, and behind my left ear—it’s driving me mad. Ah, thank you.”

He scratched her with Robards’ neatly trimmed nails where she had indicated. Tonks made up a few more itchy spots to buy herself time to think. She needed to get aroused again, or it would anger her rapist and increase the risk of harm to the baby. As much as it hurt to think about Remus, she didn’t see what choice she had.

“Better?” the imposter asked.

“Loads,” Tonks said. “Thanks.”

He spat on his hand and rubbed it over the place where their bodies met to lubricate things. Tonks closed her eyes, picturing her husband’s distinguished face. She allowed—no, made—herself remember kissing him, getting him to song her like he was a teenager. She remembered undressing him on their honeymoon, how she’d felt so giddy she might as well have been losing her virginity in Filch’s least-loved broom closet again.

 _No,_ she realised at once, _that memory is no good._ She’d been in control that time, something that felt too foreign compared to her current state for her to get excited by it. Instead, she imagined Remus before the full moon. The wolf inside him was always so feral, so ready to hurt her in ways that horrified Remus’ conscious mind.

_“I’m going to hurt you!” Remus always protested weakly._

_“Good! I like when it hurts,” Tonks always replied._

She wanted this to hurt, too, but for entirely different reasons. Selfish, prideful reasons. She supposed being a mother meant foregoing those reasons for the sake of her baby, but she hated it.

 _What would happen,_ she stubbornly made herself ponder, _if I’d invited Remus to my office the night before the full moon and had him shag me over this very desk?_

Her body spasmed in pleasure at the thought. Tonks went on mentally dirty-talking herself. _And what if I talked him into tying me up over the desk like this? It would take a lot of convincing, but I bet I could get him to. What if I were totally helpless and exposed in Auror Headquarters, bent over Mad-Eye’s desk while my werewolf husband had his way with me just before sunset on the night of the full moon?_

She came again. This time, there was pleasure, but that only made Tonks feel sicker. The baby was kicking again, and what should have delighted her made her feel cold and nauseated.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. None of this was supposed to be like this. She was supposed to enjoy her baby’s first kicks while curled up with Remus in front of their first Christmas tree, not tied up and bent over her dead mentor’s desk while getting fucked by a rapist who looked like her boss—

“I’m going to be sick,” Tonks warned faintly.

No sooner had the imposter stuck the wastebasket under her than she retched. Nothing but water came up, because she hadn’t eaten anything since a half a sandwich at lunch eight hours ago. The imposter rubbed her shoulders, which only made her more nauseated.

“Pregnancy is so difficult,” he said as he removed the wastebasket.

“Yeah,” Tonks muttered. _Everything is so difficult right now._

Despite her self-pity, Tonks knew deep down she was getting off easy. She thought of Alice Longbottom, the Auror and young mother who’d been tortured into insanity by Tonks’ aunt in front of her little boy. Lily Potter had been Tonks’ age when Voldemort had killed her as she shielded baby Harry with her body. And Harry! Her eyes watered again, but she could pass it off as a side effect of being sick. Harry, who was such a sweet kid despite everything and who wanted to be an Auror when he grew up, had risked his whole secret mission at the Ministry to steal Mad-Eye’s magical eye from that cow Umbridge’s office door. It as a brave, reckless, noble act, and Tonks still felt ashamed she’d been too afraid to do it herself. Never mind that Mad-Eye would have told her off for even thinking about breaking her cover as a loyal Ministry employee, she should have done it. She was a coward.

 _Well, then,_ said a nasty voice in her head, _you and Remus really are made for each other._

It was such a nasty thought that Tonks felt like she’d had the wind knocked out of her again. She knew it was true, though. For all Remus’ talk of going off to help Harry and the others, he certainly hadn’t broken into the Ministry with them a few months ago. Nor had he sent a single owl to Tonks since running away. Coward. She had secretly suspected all along that if he really loved her, he wouldn’t be able to bear being separated from her. Certainly not for over four months.

Tears dripped down her heart-shaped face onto Mad-Eye’s desk. She kept her breathing as normal as possible, trying not to let a single sniffle escape. She didn’t want her rapist trying to comfort her. She didn’t want him talking to her at all. She wanted to be miserable alone mentally if not physically.

“Miss Tonks?”

She hadn’t noticed how deeply she was wallowing in despair until the imposter was suddenly kneeling in front of her, wiping her wet face on his robes. Tonks took the excuse to sniff deeply, and the strong scent of animal enclosures nearly made her sick again. But her triumph—and her desperate need to keep it secret—kept her stomach in line.

“What’s wrong?” He kissed her forehead. “Didn’t you like it? Tell me what’s wrong, Miss Tonks.”

“Cramps,” Tonks invented, deciding that playing for sympathy was probably the best option. “Tonight’s the first time I’ve orgasmed since finding out I was pregnant, and I’m really cramping a lot. Feels like something’s really wrong.”

“With the baby?” asked the imposter.

“Yes, exactly,” Tonks lied. “Will you help me? I know you never hurt anyone. I really need a healer.”

She tried to look up at him, but he suddenly shoved her head hard to the side. The blow was so unexpected it made her dizzy.

“What the—?”

“Sorry,” he said, his voice no longer sounding even halfway like Robards’. “And I’m sorry about this, too, but I have to.”

Tonks’ question died with a hiss as something sharp pierced her other shoulder. Just as before, her pain evaporated just before her consciousness did. This time, however, she welcomed the escape from reality. _Might as well make dung bombs,_ she thought as she slipped into a blissful unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus suspected it was rude for anyone but healers to run through a Muggle hospital, but he was past the point of caring. He took the stairs two at a time and burst out of the stairwell at the third floor. He bolted down a hallway and slid past a startled receptionist, ignoring her cry for him to stop. Instead, Remus sprinted more quickly down the hallway, stopping for just a moment to survey the corridor before diving into the only room with its door closed. Once inside, he slammed the door behind him and froze. 

The room was dimly lit. Tonks, her hair wavy and dark blond, lay very still on a wheeled hospital bed. A Muggle hospital worker held a large plastic wand to Tonks’ round stomach. Both women glanced up in surprise at him, and Tonks smiled drowsily.

“Remus,” she said. “Quick, come here. You’ve got to see this.”

He rushed to her side and grasped her hand, fearing the worst. The Muggle woman turned what looked like a television screen so Remus could see it as well. He glanced at it and then did a double take. The frame was full of shifting shadows, not unlike Mad-Eye’s old Foe-Glass albeit on a smaller scale. Here and there he could make out a protruding arm, a skeletal foot, or a slithering, serpentine spine. It made him feel unsettled and a little faint, but Tonks and the Muggle worker seemed utterly enchanted by the image.

“Moving seems like a good sign,” Tonks joked, and her anxiety was apparent.

“It usually is. Oh, look!” The Muggle woman pointed to the screen. “His heart’s still beating nice and strong, too.”

“It’s definitely a he, then?” Tonks asked with a grin.

“Oh!” The Muggle woman looked flustered. “I’m so sorry! I thought you’d have found out the sex at the 20 week scan.”

“Ah, yeah, I skipped that one.” Tonks winked at Remus. “But it’s definitely a boy?”

“Oh, yes,” the Muggle woman said. “Sometimes a family will buy a whole wardrobe of pink clothes only to get a shock at the birth, but that almost never happens the other way ‘round.”

Tonks turned to beam up at Remus. “We’re having a boy, Remus!”

“I heard,” Remus said weakly. “But could you please tell me what—“

Before Remus could properly get the question out, the door burst open. The receptionist and two security guards rushed in, flipping on the lights as they entered.

“Miss, are you all right?” one of the guards asked Tonks. “Is this man bothering you? Should we call the police?”

“No, no,” Tonks said quickly. “He’s the baby’s father. I telephoned him to come. Though—“ She suddenly stared suspiciously up at Remus. “Just to be sure… where and when was our baby conceived, Remus?”

Everyone stared at Remus, who felt his face grow hot.

“That wasn’t one of the questions we agreed on—“

“I haven’t seen you in ages, so I don’t remember what we agreed on.” Tonks cut him off. “Just answer the question.”

Remus cleared his throat and gazed down at the floor. “Our child was conceived on our honeymoon in July,” he said quietly, but the room was so still he felt sure everyone could hear him. He lowered his voice even further to whisper, “As to the where, it was in Alastor Moody’s cabin in Northern Scotland. Please don’t make me elaborate.”

“Yeah, that’s my husband, all right,” Tonks said brightly. “Thank you for checking, though!”

Everyone in the room visibly relaxed. The security guards tipped their hats to Tonks, murmured their niceties, and left. The receptionist stayed behind to apologise.

“I’m terribly sorry!” she kept saying. “I just saw a man running in here, and I thought that maybe—”

“No, really, it’s no trouble!” Tonks assured her. “Thanks for keeping an eye out. He’s only my husband, but you were right to worry about a strange man running in the room. I’d have checked too.”

The receptionist was staring at Tonks with that familiar ‘was your hair that colour a moment ago?’ expression, so Remus coughed politely to draw her attention to him.

“Your vigilance is greatly appreciated,” he said to her. “However, I believe my wife was in the middle of a… a ‘scan’?”

“Oh!” The receptionist looked even more mortified. “Of course! I’m so sorry again!”

She shut the light off and closed the door as she left. The woman with the large probe went back to her task with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry for the interruption,” she said. “Couples usually come in together, and everyone’s on high alert lately. So many assaults the past few months.”

“It’s no trouble, honestly,” Tonks assured her. “I’d have been glad for the extra help if it’d been who they feared…”

Remus tightened his hold on his wife’s hand and stared at her, not the screen. “Dora, what happened?”

“Teddy and I had a bit of a rough night,” she replied, still watching the screen avidly. “It’s all right if we name him Teddy, isn’t it? We got drugged twice, by something like heroin, no less, they told me.”

Remus knew heroin was a Muggle drug, one Tonks occasionally came across when her Auror work took her into Muggle jurisdictions. She was clumsy enough he could imagine her getting accidentally dosed by the stuff once… but twice?

He opened his mouth to ask a more specific question, but Tonks squealed and grabbed his wrist. 

“Remus, look! The baby!”

Remus’ head snapped up in alarm. After a moment of squinting, he realised what she was referring to: their baby was now sucking his thumb. The Muggle woman pushed buttons on her keyboard with one hand as she held the large wand in place. An odd sound made Remus start, but it was only the machine printing photographs.

“There you are.” Maggie handed a photograph to Tonks. “I figured you might want one, since you missed the 20-week scan.”

“Oh! Thank you.” Tonks took the photograph delicately. 

Remus tried again to ask his question, but this time he was cut off by Maggie putting things away and turning the lights back on.

She rolled Tonks’ bed out of the room, down the hallway Remus had run down, and eventually into what seemed like a surprisingly private ward. There was an empty bay, into which Maggie pushed Tonks, and a bay with a bed but no occupant. A large examination area filled most of the room, but there was also a sofa, a television, several bins of blankets and clothings, and even an electric kettle. 

Maggie drew the curtains around Tonks’ bed, assured her someone would be along shortly, and then departed with a few final niceties. 

“You stay safe too,” Tonks told her seriously. “It’s gotten dangerous for everyone. Don’t wander off alone anywhere, all right?”

As the door closed behind Maggie, Remus collapsed into the chair beside Tonks’ bed. At least Tonks was all right, he reasoned. Tonks and the baby were both alive and, as far as he could tell, mostly unharmed.

“A boy.” Tonks grinned at the photograph. “Oh, I can’t wait to meet him.”

“Dora—“

“Get us another cup of tea, Remus?” Tonks didn’t take her eyes off the picture. “Please?”

Remus rose again. As he approached the kettle, he saw a sign above it that read, _‘Please ask the nurse before eating, drinking, showering, or using the toilet.’_

“It says to ask the nurse before drinking tea,” Remus said.

“Oh, that’s only before they do the exam,” Tonks assured him. “I finished that ages ago.”

Remus didn’t argue with her. He didn’t even try to ask any more questions. He simply poured a cup of water, heated it with his wand, and added a teabag and sugar to Tonks’ preference. He brought it to her and set it on her bedside table. 

“Could you please tell me what’s going on?” He sank back down into the chair. “Your mother is worried sick. What should I tell her?”

“Oh!” Tonks finally looked up from the photograph. “Could I borrow your wand?”

“Why?” Remus asked.

“To send my mother a message.”

Remus wanted to ask why she couldn’t use her own, but he had a horrible suspicion he already knew. He bit back his questions and handed over his wand.

Tonks stared hard at the picture of their baby sucking his thumb, brought the wand tip toward her lips, and whispered, “Baby and I are both fine. Remus is here. Don’t bother coming—this place is confusing as anything, and I expect I’ll be out before morning. Just get some rest, all right? I’ll be home soon.” 

Then, with a flick, she sent her werewolf Patronus bounding out of the wand. It turned into silver mist just before hitting the closed door. Remus imagined it soaring invisibly through the Muggle hospital then through the south of London until it reached Andromeda.

“There,” she said, handing over his wand as if the matter was finished.

“What happened to your wand?” Remus asked.

“Stolen,” she said shortly.

“By the Wand-Snatcher?”

“Pretty sure, yeah.” Tonks’ eyes focused again on the cloudy, black-and-white photograph of their baby. “Very resourceful, these Muggles. They took photographs of my brain, too, without even opening up my head. Just banged a bunch of magnets together, or something. Arthur Weasley would lose his mind running around this place.”

“But—“

“They read things in the blood, too.” Tonks pulled the thin blanket up to her ear. “Told me all about the drug I got poisoned with, of course, but they could even tell I’ve been skipping meals. Said I’m so tired and cold all the time because I haven’t got enough rocks and metal and things in my blood. Mad, isn’t it? Only—“ She glanced up at the empty bags dangling from the tall frame of her bed. “They seemed so worried, I said they could put some rocks and things my blood if they really wanted. I wasn’t too keen on the idea, but I’ve got to say, I feel loads better than I have since June. Think I might take their advice and eat a bit more liver.”

Remus took a proper look at her. She did look thinner, aside from her stomach. Despite its magenta hue, her hair had lost some of its gloss. Dark shadows pooled under her eyes, and her face was pale and nearly gaunt. He kissed her cheek. It felt cold and slightly rough, as if it had gotten chapped by the winter air. He wondered if she had walked from The Ministry to this hospital.

They sat in silence for a moment, until Remus felt he could trust his voice again.

“Why are you here?” Remus asked at last. “Why a Muggle hospital? There are ways to get into St. Mungo’s without a wand.”

“I know that,” Tonks snapped. “I’m here because this is where the Muggle police told me to go.”

Remus stared at her, bewildered. “Why did the Muggle police tell you to do anything?”

“Because I called them,” Tonks said with an air of strained patience. “After the Wand-Snatcher drugged me the second time, I woke up untied and lying on the floor. I reckoned Azkaban might not be the place for a squib right now, even one who’s a serial rapist, so I went to the Muggle police and asked them how to start their process for catching rapists. They told me to go to the nearest A&E as soon as possible. ‘Course, I had to ask them what they meant, and then I had to ask them where to find one near me, but it was around then they noticed my stomach and decided to drive me in their car to the hospital.”

“I don’t understand,” Remus said. “The Wand-Snatch Rapist is a squib?”

“A squib who works with animals.” Tonks nodded. “Gives them injections to make them sleep, and apparently uses the same on his victims. That’s how come we couldn’t catch him using magical detection—he was using Muggle tricks but pretending they were magic. Anyway, now they Muggle police have got plenty of evidence to lock him up for years. I even told them his name and where to find him. With any luck, London will be a little safer tomorrow, and I’ll start my maternity leave a few weeks early. As soon as I sneak in and steal my wand back, I mean. Not a lot of ways to get new wands these days.”

Remus, who had listened to her explanation with mounting horror, now buried his face in his hands. “This is all my fault,” he said. “I’m so incredibly sorry. I never meant for any of this—“

“Spare me, Remus, please,” Tonks said coldly. “I’m not in the mood to comfort you while you flog yourself and rehash every decision you’ve ever made on my behalf. I’ve already spent too much of my night comforting a self-centered prick who felt guilty about hurting me for my own good.”

Remus was too stunned to say anything. Tonks immediately looked as if she regretted her words.

“Sorry,” she said. “That was cruel.”

“Yes, but it was accurate,” Remus admitted with difficulty. “I truly am sorry, though. For everything. Is there any way I can repair the damage I’ve done?”

She blew out a frustrated breath. “I’m not _damaged,_ Remus.”

“I didn’t mean—“

“I don’t want you here just because you pity me,” she said, “or because you feel guilty. If that’s why you’re here, you may as well go.”

“That’s not why I’m here,” he said. “I came because I was terrified. When your mother said it was you on the telephone, and you were in a Muggle hospital—“

“Why were you at my mother’s house, anyway?” Tonks interrupted.

“To beg for your forgiveness,” Remus said. “Only you weren’t there, so I stayed to wait for you... and accept a lecture from your mother.”

Tonks smiled grimly. “No one delivers a lecture quite like my mother. Did she call you a rubbish husband?”

“Yes, although she used somewhat stronger terms,” Remus said.

“Good.” Tonks snorted bitterly. “Maybe she’ll stop telling it to me.”

“Dora—“

“Where’ve you been, Remus?” She rolled onto her back and scowled at him. “It’s been nearly five months, and you haven’t even sent a single owl. I know you haven’t been with Harry and the others.”

Remus hung his head in shame at the memory of Harry’s rebuke. “Harry—Harry refused to let me join. He called me a coward for abandoning my wife and child.”

“Well, he was right, wasn’t he?” Tonks’ eyes, the dark steel blue of an ocean at night, filled with tears. “I hope Teddy turns out like Harry, or like my dad, or both. Anyone, really! Just as long as he doesn’t take after you.”

Remus took a sick pleasure in the pain her words caused him. He deserved all of them and so much more.

“I hope so too,” he said quietly.

“And I hope they both come back from wherever they are—“ Tonks’ voice quavered. “—so they can be in Teddy’s life, since you clearly won’t be.”

“I want to be,” Remus said. “I persuaded Kingsley to give me the most dangerous assignments. I thought serving The Order would ease my guilt, but I knew even that was cowardly. I’ve been too ashamed to return to you, too cowardly to beg you to take me back. I was afraid you would say no.”

“You should have been,” Tonks said savagely. “As it happens, I don’t even want you back! I’d rather raise Teddy on my own than have you acting miserable and trapped with us. Just leave again, why don’t you?”

Normally, Remus would have fled in shame. He was never one to stay where he was unwanted. But he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her again, especially in a Muggle hospital like this.

“I can’t,” he said desperately. “Please, I know it’s what I deserve, but please don’t make me leave you. Every second I’m away from you is agony. I would rather endure the Cruciatus curse than ever leave you again.”

She scoffed. “Is that why you’ve spent the past five months running away from me, then?”

“I’ve been a fool,” he began.

Tonks rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, so you’ve said.”

“No, I’ve been a fool about being a fool!” He fell onto his knees beside her hospital bed. “I thought I was being noble by leaving! I thought I was being brave! But I was being the most foolish I‘be ever been in my life! Will you have me back, even though I don’t deserve it? Will you let me be a husband to you, or, at the very least, a father to my son?”

Her expression softened, but her eyes were still wary. “If I say yes, you won’t just leave me again the second you get nervous, will you?”

“No,” Remus said. “I swear it. If you say yes, I’ll stay by your side until the day I die.”

“Then yes,” Tonks said. “Now will you please get in the bed with me?”

Remus scrambled off his knees and over the rails into her hospital bed. It was so narrow that he and Tonks could only really lie sideways together, but he didn’t care. They lay facing each other in the strange Muggle hospital bed. Remus positioned himself carefully so he wouldn’t lie on the clear tube penetrating her arm.

“Are you comfortable?” Remus asked her.

“Enough,” she said.

There was another silence between them, but this time it wasn’t uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry to ask again,” Remus whispered presently, “but I must know. Please tell me the full truth: you truly don’t mind that I’m a monster?”

Before, she’d always insisted he wasn’t a monster. This time, however, she only shook her head.

“I like it,” she whispered back. 

“What?”

“I like it,” she said, a little more loudly. “Teddy and I could use a monster looking after us, especially the way things are going lately. Only you’ve got to stick around and actually protect us from the other monsters, not run off and— Oh!”

“What?” Remus asked in alarm.

Tonks grabbed his hand and pressed it hard into her stomach. His worry that the pressure would hurt the baby evaporated as he felt a strong tapping against his hand.

“Can you feel that?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said, amazed. “It’s incredible. That’s our baby?”

“That’s our baby,” Tonks confirmed. “That’s Teddy.”

Remus hunched down in the bed to kiss Tonks’ belly. “Teddy, this is your father,” he said to her stomach. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around, but I swear that’s going to change from now on. It’s a pleasure to meet you, at least as much as we can meet under the circumstances.”

The baby kicked his hand again. Remus couldn’t stop smiling.

“He’s going to be an amazing dueler,” Remus joked. 

“Yeah, I can’t wait to meet him!” Tonks said brightly.

And with that, she unexpectedly burst into tears. As Remus watched, her hair turned from magenta to indigo to deepest midnight blue.

“What’s wrong?” Remus yanked his hand away, terrified he’d hurt her. “Are you in pain? Should I get the healer—er, the nurse?”

“No,” Tonks wept. “It’s only... Alice.”

“Alice?” Remus repeated, utterly perplexed.

“And, and Mad-Eye!” Tonks cried even harder. “And Lily was my age, and Harry—and my dad—Oh, Remus, what if my dad never gets to hold him or—?“

She cried harder than Remus had realized was possible. He wanted to call for help, perhaps even summon Andromeda or apparate Tonks to St. Mungo’s. But Tonks was clinging so tightly to him he didn’t think he could detach her, at least not without hurting her.

“Dora,” he said into her ear, which only made her cry harder. _“Tonks._ Tell me what to do. Tell me how to make it better. Please, you’re frightening me. What should I do?”

She lifted his arms and pulled them around her. Remus could do that. He hugged his wife fiercely, cradling the back of her head as she wailed into his chest. He wished she were distraught over something more easily fixable. If she’d been upset over not having enough covers or needing a sandwich, he could have made things better. Instead, all he could do was kiss the top of her head and rub her back firmly.

“It’s been a terrible year, hasn’t it?” Remus asked. 

Tonks nodded, still crying hard.

“Losing Dumbledore and Mad-Eye was a shock to all of us, but I know Mad-Eye was especially important to you. And your mother told me your father has had to go into hiding. I was so sorry to hear that. Your father has always been exceptionally kind to everyone, me included. I would love nothing more than for him to be able to hold his grandchild.”

When Tonks cried harder still, Remus nuzzled her and kissed her tear-soaked cheeks. This time, he caught a few vulgarities.

“…that fucking cow, Umbridge…absolute shittiest year ever... can’t even feel properly upset about being raped by someone who looks like my boss, because everything else...”

“I know,” Remus said miserably. “Everything feels darker than ever right now. I wish I could promise it will all be all right, that your father will come home safely, and that You-Know-Who will be defeated by the time Teddy is born. But I can’t. All I can promise is a hot bubble bath, a fresh breakfast, and a monstrous husband devoted to you until his dying day.”

Tonks took a few gulping breaths. Eventually, she was able to take a deep, shuddering breath and compose herself enough to speak. She sniffed deeply a few times until her face was calm. Remus wiped her cheeks clean with his sleeve.

“Can you at least promise me you won’t die until Teddy’s grown?” Tonks asked at last.

“I can promise to do my absolute best,” Remus said.

“Can the tomatoes at least be fresh, then?” Tonks joked, her eyes still watering slightly. “You did promise a fresh breakfast.”

“Ah, yes.” Remus clicked his tongue apologetically. “About that. I’m afraid the tomatoes will be ‘fresh’ in the sense that they will be freshly untinned.”

“Ah well,” Tonks sighed. “I suppose that’ll have to be close enough.”

“For now,” Remus agreed. “But there will be fresh tomatoes again next summer.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Tonks yawned. “Just think, Remus—next time we eat fresh tomatoes, not from a greenhouse or tin, Teddy will be out of my stomach.”

The thought thrilled and terrified Remus in equal measure. There was so little time to prepare. He felt as if he should be rushing out to buy a cot. Tonks, however, was drifting off to sleep at the thought.

“I can hardly wait,” he said gently. “Only three or four more full moons until we meet him.”

To his immense relief, that made Tonks smile widely despite her exhaustion and residual tears. “Well, now you’ve said that, he’s bound to come out on a full moon just to make our lives more complicated.”

“Then I shall guard you with the full strength of my wolf self,” Remus said. “And our son’s first introduction to his father will be a thorough face-licking.” He licked Tonks’ wet cheek in demonstration.

As he’d hoped, Tonks giggled. “My mother will wet herself if you lick our newborn baby,” she said. “So obviously we’ve got to do it.”

“Do what?” Remus asked. “Have the baby during a full moon?”

“Yes,” Tonks said.

“As I know nothing about the timing of childbirth, I’m afraid you’ll have to be the one to arrange that,” Remus said. 

“I’ll have to find out how to do it,” Tonk murmured.

She yawned again, and a moment later she fell asleep, her tea unzipped and cooling. She slept hard from the start, drooling on Remus’ arm as if there was no place she felt safer than the arms of a cowardly werewolf.


End file.
